Plonked myself down in front of my camera yesterday to practice some lighting positions and poses. Quite a feat for me as I am definitely my own worst critic when confronting myself in photographs. It seemed quite the worst thing to do at this time since I am going through another bout of depression.
Yes. I struggle with depression and I struggle with admitting it here, in public. After all, aren’t we supposed to share the ideal image of who we’re supposed to be and look like? A professional, polished image of ourselves? I wasn't going to, to be honest. But here I am. For better or for worse... The first photos I took of myself were awful. (I’ve posted one here amongst the others).They rattled me. Shocked me actually. I looked ancient and… well … as depressed as I felt. I don’t know what urged me on and even where I got the energy to do what I was doing. But something told me to keep going. So I looked at those god-awful images and said, ok. This might be so at the moment, but it’s not really who I am. I truly didn’t recognise this person in the images. It wasn’t conscious, but rather than pick holes in myself I moved past the self-critic flaring up in me - or rather, I looked her in the eye, as she longed to make some stinging comments about me, acknowledged her presence, and, rather than succumb to that easy trap I, in effect, told her she had no power over me and pulled myself up, tidied myself up, brushed my hair, put on some makeup and got on with it.
There’s a lot more to this, I know… and maybe I will share more as I work on myself. As I said, I wasn’t even sure I would share this and I don’t want to make it too long and squeamy either….It’s not easy sharing the face of depression… but maybe it needs to be shared…for whatever reason, I’m not sure right now….
People, depression is real.
Things are not always what they appear to be….I think that’s essentially what I’m trying to say…
#strugglingwithdepression #depressionisreal #depressionisnottheend #laughteristhebestmedicine #thefaceofdepression #fightthefunk #photography
